swede

if it was you

Sun, 10 May 2009 08:18:33 GMT

DAY 2

Last night i went to greensboro to see kati's new apartment. No power so they had candles, specifically 37 of them. And beer. I kept waiting for a catastrophe we could never explain to the fire chief. Woke up at 10:30, stole beer from the abandoned coolers from parents diner party, drank said beer, cleaned room, drank more beer, got ambitious when i realized there were 14 bottles of unnopened wine chillin all alone downstairs, stole it, cleaned room since then. Saw the new star trek movie with mike, aled, holland, mark, mot, and david at midnite. It was pretty good. I mean, i came into it nothing almost nothing about the series and was still pretty entertained so kudos to...i dont know, spock...or something. David wall offered to lend me "i am spock", should take him up on it. Gonna try less sleep from now on and see how that goes.

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 10:25:50 GMT

I feel like im in a prison at an amusement park. Will i look back on this year and smile, or just think of the days i forgot to do my work and never got a chance to shower. Snow and I had a long talk about stress, don lee, and getting over the present. He pretty much said that he and don lee have been worried about my mental state, about my ability to open up to people here, and about my levels of stress and whether or not i'm driving myself over the deep end. I assured him i had dug myself a stress hole last semester but that all was fine now and that I was coming out now. My training wheels are off and i'm finally riding on my own instead of jut crashing but at the same time he has valid points. I seclude myself, put up brick walls, have a classic case of bi-polar disorder and insomnia, and lash out at the world that is boone whenever it fails to donate the sense of passion and ambition that was my first 18 years in winston.

I think im right. I think in reality im moving forward and up and learning new things. Im reconecting with old friends, putting my one night dreams into action, and actually on top of school, ready to overtake all my hopes. Or maybe snows right and theyll find me sprawled in the shower with some cryptic message like 'wheres all the love?' scrawled in blood on the mirror.

p.s. insomnia is fun

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 10:38:49 GMT

I broke my toe this morning, possibly the most akward fracture imaginable. You cant do anything to help it, its hurts like crazy, but you cant mind over matter the pain because your toe will fall off. There's a lot of cool ways to break your toe, so naturally i fell 2.5 feet and somehow put all my weight on my middle one. The infirmary was really nice until the xrays. Up until the front of the line

NURSE "Alright, now do how you want to pay for this?"

ME "Oh, the other nurse said this was free"

NURSE "No sir, we dont do this for free"

ME "Ive been waiting in line for over an hour and the whole time ive been told xrays are free"

NURSE "Well, xrays are free, but for us to annalyze them its gonna cost $33"

ME "Awesome, let's fire it up"

NURSE "So how would you like to pay for this?"

ME "No, im just going to get the xrays done. I dont need the evaluation"

NURSE "What!? What would you possibly do with them?"

ME "Look at them myself. Ive seen fractures on an xray before, theyre not that hard to find"

NURSE "I highly doubt that someone untrained in the medical-"

ME "Ok, i get a family friend in the practice to look at them or whatever. Theres still a lot of viable options"

NURSE "No, you absolutly cannot"

I later learned she was a liar. Whatever. Apparantly unless my foots about to fall off, all they do is bandage it with gauze and say 'be careful' so whether or not i have xrays wont really change things. Quantum of solace is absolutly incredible.

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 14:48:05 GMT

My life this morning seems like some sureal comedy. I woke up in my bed with my shoes still on. The only thing keeping me warm was a single dinosaur sheet and 3 pairs of corduroy pants thrown over me like blankets. I hurt, and when I roll over, I find a small campaign button pinned to my back. I do not know the pins origins. I learn that all of my pockets possessions have been lost to the sheets over the course of my sleep. The bathroom counter top is speckled with dried blood. My bottle of saline solution has been crumpled, the top left open and the tip covered in blood. Im assuming the person is still alive,because a large blue first aid kit is ripped open, almost all of its contents ruffled through. The toilet has empty soy sauce packets in it. I have to plug the gamecube back into the tv, someone recently attempted to plug the tv into...itself. I find the controller on the coffee table, covered in what appears to be green crayon wax and missing the left joystick. While contemplating how to play zelda with my newfound lack of movement, i see the other controler in the trash can. I switch the controllers.

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 14:32:57 GMT

Putnam has a theory that Tucker max lives in winston. It seems stupid but at the same time pretty possible. The guy is a near celebrity now, he used to go to duke for 4 years so it seems feasable.

Yesterday michael, rudisil, jackson, daniel, don lee and I went to afternoon questing. The wallmart here is pretty much the only store to get a lot of its type of merch, making it a constant love hate relationship. K mart is just depressing. It is where money making goes to die. Its about 200 yards down the road from wallmart, recieves about 7 customers an hour, and has a constant skeleton crew of 4 employees, even on holidays. But fuck this, its all trivial compared to biglots. We bought 72 energy drinks. for 12 dollars. 13 cents a can. I was awesome.

DON LEE "'Inked'?"
SWEDE "Yeah, ide never heard of it either. It tastes just like red bull so im assuming theyre either illegally made or maybe never got FDA approval"
MICHAEL "I feel these have a sordid past"
DANIEL "I think someone stole these off the back of a truck"
RUDISIL "Watch the second ingredient be 'cobalt'"

Big lots itself is a constant running joke, the motif being rednecks and the shit they will buy/sell. From the 300$ electric heater 'reel flame' fireplace to the 3$ toy tv repair kit, everything in this place screamed 'something in my trailer is confederate flag deco'.

DANIEL " A...joggers alarm?"
SWEDE "What the hell do you need a 100 decibel alarm for?"
MiCHAEL "Its so you can have your ears bleed as someone rapes you."

cant hold on to the thrill

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 07:56:58 GMT

Today was a low key clusterfuck of homework. Last night i took the parkway back along the ridge. It was only 3 so i went down into the valley to explore what i had once thought was a town. It was actually just some townhouses and a few small scale factories and warehouses. It was kinda cool though. In the distance, you could see the lights of boone just a mile or so around a bend in the valley, but as far as I could tell, the only road that led out or in of this little hamlet was the one to the ridge. Its kinda weird, thinking that every scrap of land in America has someones name to it, but that an entire mile of prime prime real estate in a valley not only has no buildings on it, but not even any roads. I got in around 4. Jackson was sexiled so we stole him a couch for the night from the lounge. Its still here. The things like 9 feet long and takes up every bit of free space in the most akward of ways. its back is up against my bed and its front to bens. We love it. A few emails went out today about the stolen couch but since I dindt get one, that means I dont have to deal with it yet.

I took some of Zacks ridalin today. Not in some weird drug abuse way (i am ADD) but just to figure out if going back on medication would be worth it. Homework has been enveloping and while I can pull it all off by getting 4 hours sleep a night, i would gladly sell my soul for 6 hours at a time to get shit done. In short answer, no

BP "Are you ok?"

ME "Yeah, just jittery."

BP "Dude, i got a text message from you claiming lucifer had reincarnated himself into, and I quote, 'twenty miligrams."

ME (Cleaning room just to be productive) "Seriously, this stuff is weird. Id forgotten how many fucking side effects this shit has."

BP "Oh, but of course. Why else did we all stop taking it once we hit highschool? That stuff made you crazy"

ME "Yeah, im realizing. You know, this is probably one of the reasons I had so many social issues as a middle schooler"

To be honest it was the most productive ive been all day. I was focused, but not on things I couldnt physically grasp. cleaning my room was good, but reading was absurd.

The aral sea is almost gone. After years of taping water from it, it has split into two smaller lakes, the north and south. Wikipedia then told me that the Khazakistan and Uhzbekestan had begun major talks to bring back the ecosystem of the aral sea, bring back its waters, and save its surrounding economies. Kazakastan made several in depth plans for their northen half, took out a loan from the world bank (this sounds like some B-grade joke for political advisors, but its not) and within 4 years had begun to clean up the damage. Uzbekestan decided that instead of a plan they would just wait for the south part to dry up, then use the empty fields for oil drilling. I love the middle east

Mike tennysons song is stuck in everyones head. I was going through all the music he gave me when some short 2 guitar demo hed made came up. The entire thing is built off of chord progressions overlapped with finger picking, all of which are in the key of chatchy. The entire thing is only about 30 seconds long, but I heard all of my sweetmates humming it again at some point in the day. 10 points mike

smile like you dont give a damn about the consequences

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:49:38 GMT

More than it all sleep is becoming my one true hate. My test is only slightly studied for, my wall and dinosaur sheets are barely illuminated by the bedside lamp i have pointed at the wall. I live in the past like a hobo on the streets and every prank i pull, cool thing i say, or legend i hear come back around is just a shadow to when I was 16 and jesse and I spent environmental science blowing up test tubes. Maybe its the weather. Maybe its the people, maybe its someone somewhere whispering 'the real world is coming' and maybe someones listening. Either way, I feel like this place is dead. Low key isnt the term. Low key would imply that stuff is going on, its just not up to my activity standards. Nothing happens. Its like dealing with a bunch of middle schoolers who just came out of a bad elementary school experience. Everyone is too nervous to talk and to nervous to do anything but sit alone and watch tv. Ive developed a fan club, and it sucks. Not because of the fan club itself, my ego couldnt ask for more. its what the fan club represents. Ive done things i would do anywhere else. My roommate and I made a vodka melon one saturday and when it was done, we invited our neighbors to come eat it with us. People flipped shit. They couldnt believe anyone could be so cool. Same with the beercans in the vending machine. Or my weekend story. Or just throwing scrap metal ninja stars into pizza boxes. If i ever made a big deal about something, it was too inspire, to say 'look! You can have fun and its cool! Everyone else wants too as well!" But instead its like superman. Fuck keeping a military, weve got superman.

stop these looks and letters, this isnt for the better

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:34:02 GMT

This morning I went from skipping class to write an 'oh im fucked on time'paper to writing one of the most brilliant papers ide ever written where I compare the masses that watch cnn to 5 year olds reading the sunday comics for its pretty pictures and short and simple wording. After that I did my (what seems to be becoming)standard lunch time routine. Step 1) check mailbox Step 2) Get lunch 3) Run into Ronnie, mandy, mike, and ____ friend 4) Alienate friend. I did get to spend the afternoon in the theatre, which was really just cracking jokes with mark haifley and hanging out with amy. Amy had a Q and A session with the bullshit lights at the auditorium and i swear to god, there is nothing more ripe with sexual inuendo than fixing lights

AMY "Just bang it"

MARK "I think it will break..."

AMY "No, harder! Just hit it harder till it works."

MARK "Its not coming out. Are you sure this is how you do it?"

ME "I dont know where to begin with this. Seriously..."

Being the auditoriums slave evened out with the expectations of getting a chance to christen my christmas present to myself and by that I mean a t shirt that says (In calm typewrite font) FUCK POLITICS I JUST WANT TO BURN SHIT DOWN

Some socialist group was having a speaking at 7 and the combination of anna being a lonely hippie and my wanting to be as socially innapropriate as possible led to one of the worst 2 hours of my life. Okay, maybe not worst. Actually, irrelevent and obnoxious probably fit best because the main speaker was pretty good, it was just the bullshit Q and A afterwards that made no sense. The guy basically got up and gave his shpeal on why he thought an at least semi socialist america was the way to go. He had some good points, not most of which i agreed with, but it was good in the sense that anything well prepared and rehearsed is at least interesting to listen to. However right after about half the audience just kinda jumped in with either a) questions about communism B) Stories about how they were going to change someones life with communism/marxism/socialism but the recipient was too much of a snob/eletist/redneck/poor mother fucker to have anything to do with them or (my favorite) C) how does god feel about socialism?

I would like to take the time to point out i spent 30 minutes of my life listening to a room of people argue how god feels about socialism

From here the conversation took off. Many thought he was himself a communist. Some thought he was all about communism and none about religion. Does god like jesus, what with him being a communist? The whole thing was both painful and reminiscent of discussing any other personal preference in life.

Its like discussing how you take a shower; nobody gives a fuck not only because they genuinly dont care but because everyone has their own little things they they do differently. Some think of god and jesus as two, some as one. It doesnt really matter, and trying to change my viewpoint on it is like trying to convince me to soap off before i shampoo my hair and not after. Naturally, the downhill spiral that was that talk ended and we got the fuck out. Id noticed Anna twitching during the talk and couldnt figure out why until we got into the hallway. Anna was already lighting a ciggarete, fumbling to put the lighter back in her pocket

STEPH "Um...You do know thats a smoke detech-"

ANNA "Dont give a fuck"

From there we wandered to the student union, got jacked up on absurd amounts of coffee, met randy then walked back to the dorm. Studying and ADD preoccupied the majority of my night, save for takign the time with anna and ben to make a spider web of duck tape across my sweetmates door, then deposit all of their imediate possesions in the spider web.

I read your letter. The one you left when you broke into my house

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 16:55:33 GMT

Today my fanclub visited. I dont know anything about them. My sweetmate said a bunch of people came by and asked if i was in. When he told them no they divulged that they really wanted to meet me and that they had heard a lot of cool thingd sbou

SWEDE "Well thats how the chinese work; we just give them a pat on the back and it all gets done"

BRIAN "Yeah, thats how america got railroads."

yesterday was adjective. I missed educational psych again, which isnt that bad since she accidently gave me the notes for a whole week. That and no one should have ever tol me that class has no attendance policy. After comunications i needed ot go get my car but i had my notebook with me and didnt want to deal with it. I went into the lobby of the mens bathroom, pulled up the liner of the big trashcan, then stuck it at the bottom. Feeling crafty, i went to get greg. its still there.

We got a Nerf gun at wallmart. A huge one. The thing is like a crew served weapon and slightly scary. Belt fed and has a tripod. Its awesome. It took us about a solid 30 minutes to get it together and another 10 just to figure out how to work it correctly (It litterally requires at least 2 people). After that, we went room to room, methodically making enemies with all in our path. Ronnie locked his door while we were reloading, so thers still about 40 odd darts in his room. With hopes high, i think the next step is concerta wire and sand bags, and just start making checkpoints in the hall. Demanding 'papers', speaking in butchered romanian accents, accusing passerbys of being serbian spies etc etc

I got to play DD last night. It wasnt bad at all. In fact, it was pretty much the same. People have always said im the same drunk and im starting to think that might be right. Besides the lack of motor skills, and slured speech, my actions and mentality are pretty much the same. We drove out to some party way out near where the blue ridge parkway hits the ridge. Little cottages with lights, rolling hills and patches of mist all gave it some sureal sense of beauty and horror

SWEDE (Switching the music) "Tell me if we hit anything"

BP (In a monotonous tone) "Deer"

I think he joking. When I look up, there are 4 deer on the side of the road trying to cross

(Driving along a wide curvy dirt raod soaked in mist)

SWEDE "This place is amazing"

BP "Were gonna come around this corner, and theres just gonna be a dude with a chainsaw"

so lost and disalusioned

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:34:11 GMT

SNOW "Stop the car!"

SWEDE "What the fuck are you doing?"

SNOW "Quick! Gimme the sword!"

Snow hops out of the passenger seat, stumbles for a second on the curb, then regains his balance and subsequently combines an air of professionalism and sheer stupidity by diving like a ninja yet holding a samuri sword like an angry monkey holds a stick.

SNOW "YAAAA!"

To be frank, snow could have been launching shurikans out of his knuckles and it still would have looked funny, mostly because the sword was curved. Though originally only abused into something resembling a sickle, sheer boredom had led Randy to contort it into a stacked S shape, making it about a foot and a half long and akward at best. The blow hits the can sideways, almost entirely slicing the top third off and spilling stale buschlite and soggy ciggarete butts all over the sidewalk. Leaving no room for a can mounted counter-attack, Snow continues to hit the can, smashing it into the ground with more so blunt force than cutting power. During the entire ordeal, the only words spoken are from the eldery couple discussing what they have just witnessed two feet from their car; "I dont think it's supposed to be bent like that."

Winded, Snow leans down to inspect his kill. In front of him lies 40 miles of mountains, a variety of ranges and colors. Panting heavily, on top of the world, the whole thing bears a strange resemblance to braveheart.

SNOW "Goddamit! There was still beer in there!"

RANDY "I hate the parkway"

SWEDE "Can we leave now?"

My days have pretty much been that and more, yet all of it seems to bore the hell out of anyone involved. BP summed it up best with "I feel totally worthless up here. I miss doing shit".

The truth is that I dont know what to think of this place anymore. Sometimes I feel so lost and others Ive never felt so at home. Theres a certain air and feeling that died years ago, and bringing it back is like trying to climb a tree blindfolded. It wasnt me, it wasnt really anyone. It was a combination of kids. The core of Patrick and Mckim and Tyler and Quinn and all the 'outside the circle' like Jamal before he did meth and brittany before she went crazy and jarius before he fell off the grid. Maybe what I really miss is the combination of really bright, really cool kids who always seemed like they could take over the world if they wanted to. Or maybe I just really miss my friends. God I miss my friends

I dont mean to be a bother but have you seen this girl?

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:00:50 GMT

This morning i felt like not going to work, a new one for me, Ive been drunk, tired, worried, had other things to do etc, but i havnt ever considered not going in. I barely remember going in, just the usual gimics that come with walking in the building every day. (PS every day is now two words and not a phrase) I spent the morning and early afternoon weedwacking and wondering what the hell i'm really accomplishing there. I think at any second theyre going to call me in and tell me they no longer have work left so i keep trying to draw the jobs i do have out and leave when im done to avoid that akward 'well fuck, we dont have anything for swede to do' feeling that innevitably crosses eddie and Mr rains minds. I spent the afternoon helping gary stack boxes, break down boxes, and throw out trash. he kept thanking me for breaking down the boxes, but i said, no, it was no problem. its hard to convey the words 'dude, i get to cut shit. With a razor blade. Why is this not fun for you?' into a single feeling easily felt by my other employees.

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 23:49:08 GMT

Yesterday i had heat exhaustion to the max and it came back to haunt me. Apparantly, keeping employees in a physically intensive environment constantly kept at a literal 107 degrees has repercussions. Woopsie. Yesterday i was just worn out but after a heavy night of drinking and another early morning I was done

Summer tradition is going strong so far. Theres nothing better on a tuesday night than friends, booze, and a good movie. We pretty much gave up on the 2 dollar theatre and are sticking with the grand. Same manuever as before; drinking in the parking lot, bring in a nalgene or a beer (Or two. Ok, five) and just enjoying.

At one point all the characters are eating soup and talking about how tasty it is. "Yum!" "Good!" "This is delicious!", however I dont think the mother and small children were prepared for the next one...

MONKEY "I wish my mouth was bigger!"

ALEX "Thats what she said!"

SWEDE "I didnt know Kati's mom had a cameo in this..."

KATI "I hate you. Both"

All in all, Kung foo panda was awesome. To be honest, i decided i was ruining it by being drunk, so i just drank more...to forget. Okay, maybe not the best Idea, but it worked.

Ive got friends in highly low places

Wed, 21 May 2008 21:42:29 GMT

people change, sometimes a lot. Sometimes more than you could expect, completely divergent from their childhood version. And if your lucky, you'll have friends who are coming of age as you do; you'll laugh together, grow together, and adventure like no other. As distances wax and wayne they'll always be there, a fundamental part of defining who you are. You'll always see them, and the truth is that they're still the same. People grow, people experience, but sometimes they change to much. They find they're true selves, perpendicular to what they were and the friend you had. It may take a while, but you realize that the person you knew is gone, and never coming back. It's not like thinking of someone as dead, just as gone on a very very long trip. I hate having to cope

all this time, im living out my dream

Wed, 14 May 2008 06:26:49 GMT

today was my first day of work, and it was awesome. As a job, it is shit. I am an assembly line worker whose sole task is to fill various boxes with packing peanuts, seal them with a tape gun, then slide them over to another guy. However, as a dead end 3 month summer job, it is the greatest thing that I could have been handed. My two favorite parts of the literally 6 minute long training process

ME "Is there any type of dress code?"

BOSS "Well, it does get pretty hot here in July..."

ME "So what exactly is expected of this packing job? Am I supposed to do a lot or a little?"

VICKIE "Try to imagine getting a package in the mail. How would you like that package rapped?"

ME "With such an ungodly amount of styrafoam peanuts and packaging tape that I would never in a million years switch to any other shipping company."

VIVKIE "Um..."

BOSS "I like the way you think."

the rest of my day i split between karissa and selling booze to minors. Well, other minors. Besides visiting a pawn shop, selling my vodka is pretty much the last business venture left between now and my first paycheck (whenever the hell that will be) and Greg needs gas.

Speaking of greg, and gas, alex davis and I are planning a camping trip. Adventure. Thing. I dont really know what to call it yet. im sure it will be car based but with all the hobo reminescense of camping. The general plan is a car full of guys, just bare stuff for a few days, and drive 4 or 5 hours in some direction. Maybe outer banks? It seems noone i know has really expored out there much, plus last time i was there it seemed like the more vegetated, less touristy version of south carolina.

8 dollars and hour,

And let's be honest, even if it is for 8 hours straight, playing with a tape gun never quite gets old

weve got it all figured out, just let us live our lives without a doubt

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 08:30:40 GMT

perception comes through the glow on the cinderblock.

Facebook has an chat. Or AIM. Or whatever the fuck you want to call it. The point is it's AWESOME. Its like all the work of finding screen names is taken out for me leaving the fun part of not knowing what the fuck is going on

JAY

sweeeeeeeeed

facebook is officially amazing

SWEDE

wha?

god?

is that you?

Took me by total surprise. I cant wait till I bust that thing out tommorow night, when everyone will be drinking but hanging out around their dorm when suddenly the divine intervention box pops up. this is gonna be the shit

I have no idea what im doing next year for housing, kinda. Ive got plans, but their destined for failure. Don Lee and i looked through every realtors bullshit that we could and could only find 3 two bedroom apartments within a mile of campus. Upon phone calls, we found out theyre off the market leaving that at ...zero. Currently the two plans are A) live in ginormous loft above the king street bakery and then put up sheets or plywood or something for boundaries or B) go back to appalachian management and get the 5 bedroom house, then find 3 more people to occupy it, but these two things in the opposite order.

You know how when you shoot a light bulb thats been on with water, it explodes? Like totally pops? Ive been wanting to design a house made entirely out of substances that react in that manner, then sell it to those crazy ex marine guys you see at paintball fields and market it as 'destructive environments'. I bet that would sell, military fanatics will blow money on the craziest shit. Think about all those guys who buy surefire flashlight collections, or glocks, or replica wwii bags? An entire house full of shit that goes boom when hit by water. It could be set up like paintball, but with water guns, or hell even water paintballs, just water coated with jellatin. Guy runs around the corner and the shot that misses over his shoulder blows the toaster away. People would go crazy. Someone get on this. P.S. copyright

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 08:11:22 GMT

Ive grown to hate this place, like only a prisoner can. No wonder so many people fuck themselves up on drugs up here, there is nothing else to do. Im riding on a forced wave of content and to be honest, i just want summer to get here. switching schools almost seems like an option, but because I have to sign housing for a year lease.

There is nothing more frustrating than being told 'no' by so many small things

Ive got some serious problems up here. I find myself trusting and liking less and less people for legitimate reasons. I wish i was overreacting

I dont see a clear answer and im tired of waking up in a shit mood. The classes are easy and I have no reasponsibilities. I couldnt imagine a worse fate

cause falling for you is like falling in love when your ten

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 08:57:07 GMT

This morning Randy found Mark's girlfriend passed out in the hall in front of Mark's door, locked out. Near the tail end of last night, three obnoxious kids came in the single sweets, drank my booze, ate all our jello shots and wouldnt shut the fuck up (i didnt even know about the booze and jello shots till this morning). After numerous attempts to nicely get them to leave, i gave up. I could have done more. I could have easily just been a dick or waited till cade threatened them or something like that but i was way to drunk at that point to actually care about fixing the problem, so i just went to bed. Later on in the night, the three of them go out for a smoke break. Mark immediatly jumps up, slams the door shut, and slaps the lock, screaming "YEAH BITCH, GET THE FUCK OUT MOTHERFUCKERS", then promptly passed out on the couch. Turns out his girlfriend was using the bathroom and couldnt get back in. I giggled all morning

i honestly thought this week was gonna be shit. Nothing in particular, just a gut feeling. I woke up feeling greasy, cold, and like i hadn't slept. it snowed all morning, something i couldnt pull my eyes from. The entire afternoon seemed lazy but fast, a frantic scramble to get everything done while at the same time understanding that most of it would have to be finished later. packing, cleaning, those 3 goddamn papers that will never get done etc. I finally gave up on the work for the time and just focused on getting out of Boone. Me, cade, ronnie and megan went out to wendys for diner before we departed. It was 33 degrees but blizzarding, turning the countryside into a vast cloud of swirling snow. It was weird, because the slight above freezing temperature made the roads perfectly fine while the blizzard and snowfall made driving seem surreal.

MEGAN "Appalachian gets the most awkward weather. it must be the altitude"

ME "No, this place makes no goddamn sense"

CADE "I swear, Boone gets everywhere else's leftovers"

RONNIE "Yeah" Staring out window "I guess this is our version of a monsoon"

Randal was working, i think thats why we got free fries. The drive home wasnt nearly as cool as ide hoped. Ide gotten excited about driving for 2 hours on safe roads in a clusterfuck of winter, but 6 miles out of Boone, the ground wasnt even wet. I figure were the only ones who caught the cloud embankment.

i went striaght to the auditorium when i got into town. It's weird, i wanted to hang around a bit and be back and mingle but i didnt want to help. Not in the lazy way but its just not my job. I still felt a little akward being there. No one wants to be percieved as that creepy college kid whos too attatched to home.

cause i dont do to well on my own

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:58:38 GMT

pacing my room and playing air guitar, i cant get junior year out of my head. Every snow bank that ronnie and I jump in and every collared shirt i spit at makes me realize more and more were going to live very happy lives. And i dont think ill ever get over lollipops at wachovia, popsicles in winter, or that ive always known what it was all about. Maybe this is it. Wheres spring? We can throw easter candy at each other and play in the back alley, throw frisbees in the street and yell in irish accents

broken down on memory lane

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 12:22:11 GMT

This is my second all nighter in 3 nights, not really as cool a feat as i percieved it as

Ive been thinking a lot about past years, just floods of sporadic memories and flashbacks to childhood. Ive been dweling on the summer between junior and senior year almost as if it was the golden age of my life. The warehouse is the predominant holder of these, just the entire nature of the job I fell in love with. It's come up in a lot of my stories recently and everyone asks if ill work there again. I can't, it was sold, the company changed, relocated, and rehired. I wish it wasnt, that i could spend another summer hauling boxes for 8 bucks an hour, running errands through the ghetto with my windows down, and swapping stories with Gerrard and everyone else as we bullshited maintenance. Theres a part of me thats glad though, it just wouldnt be the same. I loved it as a job, but it ran so perfectly with all the other events around me, a lot of firsts for me as well. First summer with a license, first summer with a big collection of friends, first 'girlfriend' (or whatever), first summer working a real job, and most importantly the only summer with all those freedoms unhampered by fears for the next year. I always think of myself as a kid with endless potential back then, so many stories and so many things going right for me. I dont think it's changed. It may always be the golden erra in my mind but there are the constant small reminders that occasionally pop up with some dramatic memory; my complete innocence to the ghetto and true poverty, my nervousness with Brittany, my childish antics with Jamal and...well everyone. And more than all others, my social akwardness, something I see in every photograph from that summer.

We had to watch Amazing grace for class last week (the new decent one). Theres a minor scene where, when two early 20's parlament members are discussing their new political plans, one claims that it's impossible, that it would be unimaginable to gain the position of prime minister

"No one our age has ever taken power"

"Which is why were too young to understand that certain things are impossible"

Which is both cheesy and absolutly true. Does anyone else wonder why we had to all grow up? There was a distinctive time where people around me acted as if they were care free on the inside, like they had friends and enemies and life was good and things were crazy and fun and mature yet childish at the same time. We raced our cars to cici's pizza, we crashed wake forest parties, we worked all day and stayed up all night. Does anyone else remember Patrick Sweatt running for high school student body president? Or Sugg?

Patrick gave out free cake from the back of Quinn's truck campaigning himself to the kids with a megaphone. "Do you like water? So does Sugg! Vote Sugg to keep our water fountains"

There just a part of me that feels like youthful innocence doesnt always last forever and a part that hates me for thinking it

and with 15 minutes of furious typing, i have produced the definition of shit writing. Viola'

goodnight moon

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 08:01:01 GMT

So goodnight moon and goodnight love. Like the satellite in orbit, sometimes flaring out of nowhere, but always watching over me. Ill keep the promises, longer than anyone else, I just hope someday they realized how much I cared, not that my communication skills ever assured them anyway. This is it, but everything happened my sophomore year. I wish I was more involved then. Like the star wars geek who wishes they lived in that galaxy far away. I did, but it always feels like I passed up the opportunity.

I nearly hit Allison last night. No joke, I was going to hurt that girl, beat the living shit out of her. Cade's insomnia was acting up again so he popped 2 sleeping pills and drank a cup of jager. Normally this is the only way to get him to sleep but Allison walked in and gave some sob story to cade about needing a ride to wallmart. the rest is bullshit, i dont even want to relay the whole story, its all too much like jamal. If matt wasnt there with me i would have slammed her head against the wall. The entire thing is unexcusable, he could have died or ODed and all because she wanted groceries. She let him buy more booze that stupid bitch. She understood exactly what was going on, she didnt even give an excuse, just a 'hell be alright'

"do you have any idea how complettly irrsponsible this is? Do you not give a shit about your friend or something? What the hell makes you think groceries and beads are so important as to put his life on the line?"

"He was fine, he was totally cool with all of it. He coudl walk and everything. He was fine the whole way to the dorm"

"DUDE BULLSHIT, I watched him try to get up the steps of the dorm! He fucking hobbled like an old war vet! Christy and I had to carry him to his bed after he had some mini seizure! And what about at Wallmart? He called and told me he wasnt alright and that when he todl you he needed to leave, you just left him in some aisle so you wouldnt have to hear him bitch while you did your shoppping. What if he had passed out in Wallmart or something?"

"Then I would have just gotten someone to help carry him to the car."

"Yeah, I dont think thats how they would react. This is insane. Totally unexcuable. No part of this is funny, or smart or even fucking practicle. WE could have taken you to Wallmart. Matt lives next-fucking-door to you. I cant believe this"

goodnight moon

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 07:27:57 GMT

The light to my bathroom is on, the whiring of the buildings appliances making a sleepy background noise. My sweetmates havnt gone to bed yet, and I can hear quiet conversation and music. Someone upstairs is playing a mandolin. It's muffled, but distincitve enough to act as a lullaby.

rest easy and wake with a song in my head

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 05:34:48 GMT

its so hard to escape when the weather works against you. Theres nothing more depressing than going outside for the space and having the sky rapping you in. Sunny days with clouds are the best because you understand that the world sprawls out far beyond the barren hills and the jet trails make you think only of tranquil altitudes.
I heard the reason the russians have always been crazy about their vodka was that, in a place like Russia, you cant help but drink away your worries, you look out your window and the hills are barren and the air is cold and theres nothing to do. Sometimes I feel like a Russian

ME "You know that one kid you always see at ski slopes who just tumbles his way down the mountain? That was me"

CHRISTINE "haha but i bet it was cute"

ME "I dont know, maybe. That girl I bowled over probably didnt think so"

CHRISTINE "Shit, you hit a kid?"

ME "Shes an adult, she can deal with it"

CHRISTINE "Oh! I thought you meant like a child"

ME "I dont like to think about that one. There was blood everywhere."

It wasnt all bad. Actually, i had a great time. Mark and i got our cards punched and then just blew off the class time. I mean, honestly, even if your someone whos never snowboarded before (me), would you really want to deal with a 4 hour long course about it? Exactly, which is why Mark and I set off to teach me on our own. Our method was simple; Mark rattled off a list of all the things i shoudl never ever do and then explained the basics. After about 20 minutes of me learning to stand up on my own, we spent the next 4 hours running the slopes over and over. I would get about 50 feet down, crash, immediately jump back up, crash, immediately jump back up, crash...yeah. At first I felt like a dumbass, because there is absolutely no glory in getting your ass kicked by a large sheet of ice, but after the first hour or so, it was paying off. The classes weren't even out of the preliminary discussions and i had already learned how to fall baackwards instead of on my face. At one point my boots came out of the board and wouldnt lock back in. After something like 15 minutes i just gave up and rode the board down like a sled

sell out with me tonight

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 05:54:49 GMT

This morning I had to go down to the courthouse to pay off my speeding ticket. You know those mornings where you wake up from a shitty dream, and the feelings and atmosphere from it affect your mood and actions the whole morning? Yeah, i had one of those, but it wasnt the cool type where you dream your flying a jet. Instead, I had dissapointed my parents, gotten arrested for something stupid, and somehow alienated all of my freinds, yes, even a few that are dead. My dreams can be assholes. I basically spent the morning in a complete worthless funk, not too bad since the only thing i had to do was walk to hell and back to the ATM and then the courthouse. By the time I got there, i was in a much better mood, mostly because of the building. Whenever you pay money to a real courthouse, you feel abused. Its big and strong, made of classy brick and marble, with shiny police cars parked out front, and it feels like the goliath stomping on david. Not here, it was more like handouts to a hobo. Think of the shitiest funded public school in your home town. Now give it water damage. The place was obviously made by the lowest bidder with the cheapest materials, and instead of intimidating police cars out front, there was a state owned ford taurus with a dog peeing on its driver side door. Man that put me in a better mood.

However, my the best was the police officer standing just inside the door, answering everyones questions. He had his hands full of paperwork and this obviously wasnt his duty but because of the builsings lack of signs noone knew where to go. Because of this, there was a line in front of him, which each person who was next basically telling him what they did and asking where that court room would be

"Hey, i'm here for a DUI"

"Where should i go for a possesion charge?"

(my favorite) GUY "Hey man, i got a ticket for assault and i need to take care of it"

COP "What type?"

GUY "Assault"

COP "No, what type of assault? Like simple or battery?

GUY "Um...like, i was drunk...and i hit this bitch. That type."

Guess what classifies as simple assault? Hittin bitches, thats what

The entire adventure probably took me about 2 hours and when i finally got back to my room i felt like shit. I napped, woke up, ate all the freezie pops in my fridge, then napped some more.

I woke up a few hours later to my CG standing over me

CADE "Whats up with you?"

ME "I'm sick, whats up?"

CADE "Im doing room inspections, you need to take that light down."

I raise up my sheet between Cade and the light

ME "Lights gone"

CADE "Good enough for me"

The rest of the day was spent doing absolutely nothing. I napped. A lot. apparantly someone came in, took pity on me and turned off the light becaue when i woke up at 7, everything was dark. Lay in bed for a while, got depressed, finally got out of bed. I tried to cure myself the quinn coleman way (sophomore year quinn always had empty bottles of cheap ass green teas. He claimed they cured the flu and cancer). Its not that im naive, theyre just in the vending machine down the hall, their fluid, and theyve got vitamin c, which is good enough for me

Lewis Black is being funny, night

sunny with a high of 75

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 06:45:05 GMT

lock the door and leave out the window. Maybe were just standing Maybe when they decide to grow fun but for now it's just you, me, and our high spirits. Nothing can pull us out of this but ourselves. Were so much closer than we think, just confused.

I spent all day doing nothing, an absolute waste. get to wake up in a few hours to go to the courthouse and pay off my ticket.

quit crying your eyes out

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:09:36 GMT

today was the first time in a long while i truly felt alive.

Its funny the way memory can be shifted. the one can alter theyre own stories to inspire themselves

Me, BP, and his hot friend drove out to the parkway today to get the fuck out of Boone. We knew it was hopeless, none of us wanted to say so though. BP is one of the few kids i feel like i can have a deeply intelligent conversation with so whenever were around each other, we both seem to seize the opportunity and run with it. No matter what, our conversations always seem to develop into some psuedo-intellectual multi sided argument against ourselves. For example, today we decided that ice isnt technically any colder past 32 F because its particles have stopped moving, making it a solid. Two minutes later, we were arguing against our previous theories that, since it is still posssible for sub-zero ice to shift within itself, it can never technically be a solid. Naturally, the parkway was no exception. We both entertained the ideas that either A) the parkway was plowed, salted and cleared of snow because it was a major tourist destination or B) the parkway was frozen solid, becuase anywhere it could take you, other roads could as well.

We only got about a mile down the road before my car had difficulties with the ice and another beore the road was blocked off entirely. I quickly found a snowy hill, rolled down it, declared myself victor of the outdoors, then got back in the car.

Whitney invited us to dinre with her parents, which was the most akward meal ive had in a while. The only person i knew was BP and the whole table was quiet for most of the night, a little bit akward when the restaurant is mellow mushroom.